Being single is really fun, but sometimes it's lonely. There are days that I think it's funny. Sometimes I think it's boring. Other times I can't imagine having to give up this life, and then there are days I just want to share it with someone so badly it hurts.
Lately I find it's interesting.
EVERYONE wants to give me advice. They want to ask you if you're dating someone & when you say no (& admittedly scoff a bit) they want to tell you "When you stop looking you'll find a mate." "God has a plan". And then they add these versions of: "You both just aren't ready to be one yet, there are things that you both need to do before that happens."
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!?
Because if God has specifically spoken to you about what I need to do, please tell me. I've been begging Him for years, and so far on the subject He's been quite silent.
I don't need to be placated.
I know and understand well how the process works. I DO know that God has a plan, I've been walking in that plan for the last 31 years. I have begged God to take my desire to be married away. Bbbeeegggged. So far he hasn't. So I continue to wait. But here is the thing, while I wait, I continue to be productive, I show up to my life, I show up for other people, for their dream come true events, and I quietly continue to beg. Honestly it's absolute anguish. There are days when it's close to unbearable, but I show up for other people-mostly because I love them; but also because I want them to know that they hold a place of honor in my life.
So tonight I offer you some advice, when you have single friends here's what you don't say:
1."I don't understand why you are still single?!?"
This one makes me laugh, like belly laugh out loud! I'm still single because I have really high/strict standards that I refuse to compromise. If I wanted a spouse just to have a spouse I could've found someone. That's not what I want. I know that this is a thinly veiled complement, and I am grateful for it, but the backhanded part of it cuts deep.
2."God has your perfect match out there, you just haven't met him yet."
Ok, I do not subscribe to the theory that God has one soulmate picked out for us. I believe that marriage is hard- a continual ebb & flow of working together and apart to be the best versions of yourself- to serve God & serve each other. If God had just one perfect match picked out for us & we all lived in the fairy tale land where we all got married and lived happily ever after that would be great, but that's just not real. Remember that whole free will thing?!? So instead if you know someone single that hasn't met anyone, pray for them. Like really pray, that they are able to protect their heart, that God is gracious, and that they are able to wait for the best that God has for them.
3."I think you would be great with so-and-so."
DO NOT- I repeat DO NOT try to matchmake someone unless you know them really well, AND they have given you permission. This becomes really awkward really fast especially when people don't give it up. Don't push, it's annoying & people will end up just wanting to avoid you.
4. "Maybe God just wants you to be single."
Ok. This on a few levels could be true. Paul is pretty clear on this, and no one really wants to burn with passion. But a few blogs back I talked about the fact that God is our first love, we were designed to be in relationship with Him. And maybe God does want me to be single, He just hasn't told me that yet.
So I say all that to really say: treat those single guys & girls you know with respect and love on them a little extra. Invite them over for dinner, or coffee, or to catch up on your favorite tv show. Respect their space, help them figure out who they are. If you're married show them the real stuff, invite them to see what it's all about. And continue to pray for them. It's lonely out there sometimes.
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