On Freedom

I lose myself in this

unveiling until there is

nothing left of me

but you.

-Steven James

The subject of freedom keeps floating around in my heart lately. I think about my journey to Christ- my journey IN Christ. 

I grew up a good southern baptist girl. I went to Sunday School & GA camp & wore scratchy frilly lace dresses with hats at Easter. I remember bible stories told on felt boards and I remember thinking vacation bible school was the world's greatest thing ever invented- mainly because the kool aid flowed freely. But about the time I entered middle school and my home life and my school life started to get rocky- I started to get tired of the neat little box that my God lived in. I needed something bigger. I needed something free-er. I desired something with less rules & more love.

When I was in eight grade I began to search for God, I had a hunger for his presence that I couldn't describe, yet couldn't quench with the same things I had been doing. My desperation for God's unfailing love became a catalyst for change in my life. At that point in my life, I'd only ever seen "earthly love" fail and I knew there was something more. The mother of a dear friend of mine began taking us to revival services at a church that was experiencing a great outpouring of the spirit of God. I can remember the first night I went- there was so much freedom. Freedom in worship & freedom in expression, but I remember mostly the freedom that came from feeling the peace of God, experiencing His presence like I'd never known. I fell in love with Jesus for the very first time that night. I became part of a small group and fully immersed myself in a discipleship program & I ran with a ravenous heart straight into the arms of Jesus. It is there in that place that I learned to love people. That I learned who I was. That I learned how to truly live. That I learned how to love myself. Those arms were & still are my refuge. You see God redeemed me. He rescued me. Yes there have been times I have walked outside of the reach of those arms, but they are always waiting. They are always wide open and ready to embrace me. 

I really love the way God loves us. It truly enamors me. I am so unworthy of it, but God continues to pour His love upon me, especially when I least deserve it. There are moments in my life that the only response I have to the overwhelming love that God lavishes upon me is to weep. It overwhelms me that His love is perfect peace, His love redeems us, His love perfects us, His perfect love casts out all fear. GOD.IS.LOVE.

And in that love, when we fully embrace it, when we make ourselves vulnerable to it, to everything it asks of us & all that it offers us- it is all the freedom we could ever want to have.